My Specialties & Services

The fundamental truths for me is that to be happy, you have to do what you are supposed to do, be who you want to be, or be where you want to be.

How do you behave when there is a difference between what should be and what is? Are you trying to reduce the gap, by either changing what is, or adapting what should be? Is what you do constructive or merely compensating? In the case of anxiety or fear, you don’t know what is going to happen. The unknown is fundamentally scary. How can you possibly know what is the right thing to do? How do you prevent the self-criticism and focus instead on tackling what’s creating your anxiety?

What you are supposed to do, or be, operates at many different levels of awareness. The deeper levels do not operate at a conscious level, and they drive your life without you knowing it. We don’t update those expectations often enough in our daily lives. In our sessions together, we will explore and examine your expectations of how life should be, how others should behave, what an object, person, or activity should be or give you, and often don’t.

We will address organising your thoughts, feelings and actions, identifying the root causes of your anxiety and develop strategies together to help you build your confidence.

Couples can get bogged down in counting the times the other one did this or that, and forget the context of what makes a good relationship. Do you find that disagreements often degenerate into an argument and aggression? Thinking that you’re always right and your partner is wrong? 

To resolve issues, you need to be able to shift perspective, see things from the other person’s point of view, and the point of view of the relationship, and what you want out of being together. When we are cornered, we automatically become defensive, it can be fighting back, or becoming withdrawn. In couple’s therapy we will disentangle all that. We will address what each person wants, their intention, and how to ask for it. 

When couples start therapy, both parties are so entrenched in the rightness of their own position, that it requires a caring, yet frank and direct way to address this. 

We will look at the dynamics of exchanges and hidden communication, how it perpetuates the issue and creates vicious circles.  We will look at give and take and how needs are satisfied. Are you willing to support each other to grow? We will address your individual insecurities and anxieties.

When couples come to therapy, it is usually to save the relationship. And we will start there. We will work together to find the best outcomes for both parties.

However, the best outcome may not always mean staying together. The circumstances and needs that made your relationship work at the start may have changed. I have no vested interest in people staying together when they would be better off going their separate ways. This can happen and when it does, it is always for the benefit of both individuals. The reasons people stay together are not always healthy and nurturing. If that is the case, I would help you end your relationship in a good way, so you can both feel positive about yourselves and your future.